Lost in Vietnam

The travel agent at the check-in counter of Nokair in the Bangkok airport asked me a simple question as I handed over my passport to check in for my flight to Vietnam yesterday;

"Visa?" 

"What?"

"Visa?"

No problem. I handed over my Capital One Visa card.  He looked at me like I was the dumbest human being to ever step foot in the DMK international Airport in Bangkok. Needless to say, I did not have a Visa to enter Vietnam. However, I did have a ticket for a flight leaving in 2 hours paid for with my Capital One Visa card.  What's in your Wallet. Or Passport. Not a Visa. 

I missed that flight.  

After 8000 google searches for "URGENT VISA" and an odd phone call with some woman in Vietnam, I scored a rushed visa that was emailed to me. It only took 4 hours and the worst airport WiFi on earth to get that done.  Progress. 

So, I bought another flight and showed the gate agent a picture of some letter from some agency in Vietnam saying something about letting me and 6 other random people into Vietnam. I celebrated with a dish of rice and a fried egg that might have been cooked in 1983. 

They let me on the plane. 

Now, mind you I did not have the required visa application, the required two pictures of myself, or the required printed copy of the letter granting me access to Vietnam.  Requirements Shmequirments. 

I boarded the plane. Middle seat.

We landed in Vietnam.

I think I talked to every human being in the Saigon airport trying to get all the info needed for the visa needed to get through passport control. I also gave every single one of them $5 US Dollars. $5 to print my acceptance letter. $5 to take my picture. $5 to print my picture. $5 tell me which desk to go too. $5 to tell me it was the wrong desk. $5 to stare at me clueless. $10 to sell me a 4g SIM card that was actually 3G. I must have blown $200 in immigration control.  

They let me in. So, I did what any American would do and ordered Uber. Have I ever ordered an Uber in a foreign country? No. A communist foreign country? No. 

Somehow, I found the uber driver who stared at me clueless and we headed to the hotel. 45 minutes and $4 later I was dropped off at the hotel. Well, dropped off 2 miles away from the hotel. Close enough I guess...

I made it. Today I drink some Vietnamese coffee and try to avoid the 80 trillion motor scooters.

Trey

Ps. I lied, it is a Hostel, not a hotel because I blew all my money on a Visa.  

The Worst Birthday of My Life

Do you remember the worst birthday of your life? I do. 

I cried at every birthday party until the age of 11 (like a real pansy) but this was not one of those. This was later in my life and much worse...

Her name was Jennifer and we were in a committed relationship. Things were going pretty good for us. We had been dating for over a month when things went drastically wrong. I mean Dateline wrong. 

She was super attractive and I was as skinny as a piece of yarn.  I was 12 years old and she was a mature 13.  I should have seen the warning signs.

I decided to have a birthday party at my house for all my friends which included said girlfriend.  Back then the more friends you invited, the more presents you got and let's be honest, presents are EVERYTHING. However, there was one present I was not expecting.

We were hanging out near the garage when my close dude friends started chanting "kiss her, kiss her". I started to sweat...

Listen, OF COURSE I had kissed my girlfriend before, but we had never "French Kissed". I WAS PETRIFIED.

After constant harassment from my friends I finally caved in and attempted my first tongue kiss. From what I remember, it was like licking a salamander, slimy and horrific. I also had no idea what to do with my tongue. I couldn't decide whether to go straight in and out? Or circles? Or leave it limp? Or side to side? Kind of like when you are at the dentist and can't seem to get it out of the way of the cleaning tools and his fat fingers. I digress.

Have you ever had a full blown anxiety attack while french kissing a girl? I have.

The kiss lasted about 900 hours. I blacked out.

Afterwards, I started feeling nauseous and literally got sick to my stomach. I canceled the party and made everyone go home. The next day I told everyone she bit my tongue to save face.

We never got married.

Lesson learned? French kissing is disgusting and makes you sick so never invite your girlfriend to your 6th grade borthday party.

Trey

 

The 10 Most Ridiculous Holiday Party Theme Ideas

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Tis the season! Whatever. Listen folks, please Lord do something different this year with your holiday party themes. Sure, everyone adores the CRAZY SWEATER party at your two bedroom apartment with passed hors d'oeuvres.  However, that sucks. 

Do something fun. Cause a commotion. Get noticed. Hark the Angels. Long live the King! What?

I have painstakingly developed 10 amazing ideas that will make this season one to remember. No jail required.

10. Rent The FUR BUS - No brainer folks, no brainer. Is brainer a word? Did you know the brain of an elephant weighs 12 lbs which is the same size as a fat toy poodle?

9. Fur Bus Santa Crawl - Grab 10 to 25 of your dumbest friends, make some Santa suits and hit five random bars in one night. Take a bag of awkward gifts to hand out to the bartenders.

8. Fur Bus Reindeer Crawl - Skip the Santa crawl and have everyone dress as identical reindeer.  Storm the bars like a true herd! Also, pour your drinks into small buckets and drink like authentic reindeer.  Buckets is a fun word. Buckets. I think I will name my first son, Buckets Humphreys.

7. Wigs & Wine Tour - Do you like wine? Stupid question. Do you like wearing dumb wigs? Even more of a stupid question. Require everyone to wear a dumb wig, stock the Fur Bus with wine and hit the road! Make sure you choose very stuffy restaurants and bars to visit and bring sippy cups for the wine.

6. Buford Highway Christmas Carol Karaoke Tour - Why not hit 5 or 6 of the weirdest karaoke bars on Buford Highway with your oddest friends? You can even hand out awards at each stop for best song like they do at the Grammy's. Tip: hit the thrift stores for random trophies.

5. Tacky Sweater Swap - Tell everyone you are hitting the town and to bring the worst holiday sweater they can find. Put all the sweaters in a grab bag or number them. Then draw numbers.  If they sweater you pull doesn't fit, WEAR IT ANYWAY. Oh man that sounds fun! I like fun. Wait..make it tacky pants party. That sounds like more fun. Fun is fun. Fun spelled backward is nuf.

4. Christmas Lights Tour - Get on the Fur Bus with a bunch of booze and tour all the neighborhoods with crazy Christmas lights. Actually, that sounds boring.

3. Toy Drive - Get your rich friends together and get on the bus. Head to the closest Walmart and go nuts buying toys. Then have the bus drive to different neighborhoods and give away all the toys. I don't have any rich friends. I need new friends.

2. Super Hero Holiday Party - Tell everyone to create a Super Holiday Hero. Then hit all the bars. Or maybe all go as Vampires. Yeah, dress as a Vampires. No, wait, dress as Holiday KISS (the band).  Hmmm....no actually dress holiday Star Wars characters. I have no idea. I like wine.

1. Go to the beach and don't talk to anybody- There you go. Now, do the right thing and give us a call to book your festive party this holiday season! Please, call us. Come on, just give us a call. It will change your life forever! 404-360-9426 (PS. you can even text us on that number because we are technologically savvy).

We love you,

Trey and the Fur Bus EMPIRE!

 

 

Police, South Texas and a Limo Covered in Fur

What do costumes, a used limo, a fat sheriff and Las Vegas have in common? I will tell you...

The Fur Bus, quite simply the greatest form of transportation ever created aside from the Tesla, Ford Focus and Monster Plantation at Six Flags, did not begin as a bus. WHAT? Not a bus. Whoa...

In 1999 four awfully bizarre dudes lived in a old, rat infested home on Wieuca Road in Buckhead. There was Jobe the DJ, Bucky the Soccer Player, Billy the Pharmacist and Trey (that's me) the gorgeous one. The four split chores, threw the largest Halloween party in Atlanta and dreamed up the dumbest ideas on earth. Including this one...

One day, Jobe and Trey (the strong and handsome one) decided to by a used limo. Why? Can't remember. 

The two fellas hit some shanty used car joint on Cobb Parkway and talked this barely-human-funeral-home-car-salesman into selling them a brown Cadillac limo for $1000. Cash. They tried to talk him down. He said no. They said ok.  

This lemon of a vehicle needed hoards of repairs. It also failed emissions 7 times before the poor mechanics simply let it pass so the boys wouldn't come back. It's all ball bearings these days.

She was a 1982 Cadillac Brougham stretch limo with brown cloth seats. Seats that all faced forward. A real gem.

They painted the limo pink, sorry, raspberry using only the finest house paint from the Home Depot. Billy, the flamboyant one of the bunch, attacked the interior with mounds of faux fur, hot glue, Christmas lights and disco balls. It was a rolling disaster. A real non-chick magnet. 

They did have a fantastic idea though....

Advertisement: Hey, please rent the Fur Bus for any special event, concert, birthday or sporting event here in Atlanta. We have buses that seat 14 - 30 people and our drivers are the coolest people in Atlanta. Call us at 404-467-773 or furbus@furbus.com for all the details. Great, sorry, had to add this...  

What was the idea? It was to drive the tank to Las Vegas for New Year's Eve. Could it make it? Probably not.

Here were the rules for the trip to Las Vegas:

1) Costumes and polyester clothing was the only clothing allowed on the trip and all piled into the trunk with zero luggage.

2) Billy was never allowed to drive.

Those were the rules. 

So, the clan departed a week before NYE and headed South via New Orleans and Texas.   

A couple of days into the pilgrimage they were cruising through South Texas on the way to Mexico (because there is Tequila in Mexico). However, just before arriving at the border they passed a police car in the median of the highway. Trey (that's me) was driving. 

Sure enough, blue lights flashing, Trey (Model like looks) guided the pink beast to the side of the road and waited for instruction. And instructions came...

"Please step to the back of the car and keep your hands in the air" said a man composed of a gigantic beer belly, cowboy hat and sherifs badge. Trey (yeah yeah) obliged. 

Once at the back of the car, the sheriff then asked, "Son, why are you wearing a motorcycle helmet?"

Pause: Trey (the smart one) had been driving for a few hours and completely forgot that he and Billy were both wearing motorcycle helmets, wife beater tank tops and polyester pants in the front seat while Jobe and Bucky were wearing full tiger costumes in the back seat. Standard attire for a casual drive through Texas. 

As Trey fumbled over his words the only thing he could think to say was,"Safety first". 

The cop proceeded to ask over 4000 questions with 3500 of them being "Are you sure you are not on drugs?". 

The officer let the boys go and they went straight to Mexico. And found Tequila...  

To be continued next month....

New Year's Resolutions are dumb, Goals are not dumb

Another year has arrived. Again.  

They are calling this one 2016. Did you set your New Year's Resolutions? If so, ball them up in a wad and throw them into a small fire whilst dancing to your favorite Willie Nelson tune and Snapchat it to me. Useless. Swear. 

To be honest, I don't even know what the word "resolution" means. I had to google it. Google is website that allows you to gather information. Really neat. The definition, turns out, is "a firm decision to do or not do something". The problem is nobody ever makes "firm" decisions.  When is the last time you made a "firm" decision? You can tell yourself you are NEVER going to eat pizza or inorganic gluten based everything bagels again but, well, no. Firm. That is dumb. 

Now we all know the number one "resolution" is to "get healthy". What does that mean? Not have a heart attack? Breathe everyday? Put on winter weight? Stop eating straight butter sticks?

Now, here is my theory. DON'T MAKE NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS. They don't work about 100% of the time. Great theory right? I love theories.

Instead, MAKE GOALS. Specifically, make one yearly goal and make 1-3 monthly goals. This, friends, is doable.

Have you ever heard of Facebook? It is a website and mobile phone app. Really neat. The ol boy that started it, Mark, makes one goal a year and usually completes the goal. Last year was to learn Mandarin. This year? Invent a PERSONAL ASSISTANT ROBOT. I swear. Google it. 

A robot. The man child wants to invent a robot that will do everything for him. Send me one.  What will he name it?

Did I mention Facebook is worth 266 billion dollars? Not bad for a 31 year old nerd who wants to invent a robot to do his laundry and feed his child.

Now, I think you need to set monthly goals instead of annual but that is just me. My January goal last year was to NOT EAT ANY POTATOES. That eliminated french fries, potato chips, hash browns, potato skins and MASSIVE LOADED BAKED POTATOES. I lost 290 pounds and fell in love. Well, ish. 

How do you properly set goats? I am glad you asked. Here you go....set S.M.A.R.T goals. There, now you will be rich with plenty of muscles.

I have no idea who came up with SMART first but essentially it stands for:

S - specific 

M - measurable 

A - attainable 

R - relevant

T - timely

So here is an example - Goal: I want to pet a giraffe. Ok, better goal: I want to pet an adult giraffe 3 times by March 1, 2016. I am not sure if that is relevant to you but I can only assume it is. I also assume you have 10k to fly over to Africa to pet the damn thing or have an uncle who owns a zoo. So, have fun. 

What is your goal for 2016? What are your goals for January? Email one or all of them to me and I will check back at the end of the year/month and see if you have accomplished them or email me if you don't have one and I will give you one trey@furbus.com

 

Trey Humphreys

Oh, and rent a Fur Bus please..... 

 

 

 

Create Your Own Holiday Party That Doesn't Suck

Create Your Own Holiday Party That Doesn't Suck

Tired of the tacky sweater holiday party? Been to so many toy drives you want to murder Santa Claus? Well then friends, it is time for you to create a holiday party that doesn't suck. On the Fur Bus preferably as we literally own that business.  I swear.....

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Fact: Your Kid’s Birthday Party Does Not Have to Suck (the life out of you)

Every year, as your kiddos Birthday rolls around, you’re treated to a real rollercoaster of emotions. In the weeks leading up to the big day, you’ll experience everything from pride to joy to sadness, because seriously, where did all that time go? And, if you’re anything like me, you experience a wave of panic when you realize that you have to pull a kid’s birthday party together.

 

Imma be real. I am that crafty, cooking from scratch, monogramming everything mom. On Pinterest. But, in the real world I’m working 45+ hours a week, consistently running late for carpool and picking up dinner from the Whole Foods hot bar on the regular.

 

This year, my son Liam turned eight. I was racking my brain trying to come up with a plan, because I am not up for a party at home, and let's face it, Chuck E. Cheese is not what it was when we were kids. Scrolling through my Instagram feed I saw a pic of kids partying on a Fur Bus. Wait. What? I thought The Fur Bus was for wasted women doing the bachelorette thing and adults who still think they are in college and love the SEC. I know, because I’ve been on a Fur Bus for both of these occasions.  I called up Ally, who is fur-tastic (sorry, no one can do fur puns like Ally), and she confirmed, yes the Fur Bus does kids birthday parties! And they do them really, really well!

 

I want to start by saying, the weekend of Liam’s birthday was also the same weekend of Tomorrow World. In other words, an insanely busy time for any and everybody in the Atlanta transportation business. But the people at the Fur Bus made me feel like my kiddo party was just as important and the massive festival they were also servicing.

 

Once I booked the date, Ally put me in touch with Brooke, who is a mom and a Fur Bus driver. She went above and beyond, giving me all sorts of suggestions for stops including parks, playgrounds and even a cupcake ATM. She suggested songs I could add to our playlist and even offered to put together a scavenger hunt. She is seriously the mom I am on Pinterest.

 

As I put the playlist together and scooped up bubbles and glow sticks from the dollar store, I realized I was as excited about this party as all the second-grade guests were. In fact, I had parents volunteering to chaperone the party. And, as I am sure you are aware, that is not the norm!

 

The party went off without a hitch. Our driver Brandon was awesome. He didn’t even flinch when 20 kids rushed his bus. In fact, he smiled. For our party, we ended up keeping it simple. Dancing and swinging from the ceiling were the main attractions. Seven and eight-year-olds were shouting song requests at me and the whole bus went crazy when I played “Whip Nae Nae.” We provided the kids with party favors, some pop rocks and took the long way to Centennial Olympic Park. My son is a sucker for Krispy Kreme, so we came prepared with a few boxes of Original Glazed. We took the long, slow way back to the meetup spot, where the parents were eager to check out the bus, too.

 

After eight years of throwing kid birthday parties, I can say that this was the most simple, stress-free and fun experience I’ve ever had. Word on the street is that Liam had the coolest party in second grade. Maybe ever.

High-five Fur Bus, you rocked our faces off and made my little one feel like a star.  

 

Greatest Customer Service of All Time!

This past Sunday, we all headed down to Blake's on the Park to celebrate two things; Pride weekend and John John Delladonna's birthday.  It was magical.   And hangover-able.  

We occupied the downstairs bar for a few hours dancing and carrying on as the bartenders worked like mad.  It was crazy packed.  We were crazy dancing.  Wonderful.  

Well, low and behold Allyson received the following email from our bartender at Blake's on Monday .....

Hey Allyson,

I just wanted to shoot you a quick email to let you know that I really enjoyed waiting on you and your friends at Blake’s on Sundayafternoon. You guys were a lot of fun and made a super busy and stressful day a little more enjoyable! If you ever come back, look for me, I work Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights.


Thanks again,

Eric Ryan

Wow...that is some serious customer service! Needless to say we were blown away and have posted all over social media. Kudos to Eric and to the entire Blake's team! 

 

Allyson saved the day and it wasn't even our bus!

Hi Trey, 
I just wanted to say how much Allyson helped me last week with my transportation to and from Athens for the UGA vs. BAMA Game. Last minute on Monday, I called to confirm everything with my original bus company. They informed me that they did not allow alcohol on the buses. When I had originally spoke with them they had. I was transporting 53 of my great college friends. (We are all 24 and went to Alabama, so not drink was not an option.) I was freaking out and started googling bus companies online. A company called shofur.com kept coming up and their website had great reviews and looked very professional. So I thought they would be a great company to book with. They were very professional at first and extremely nice and had buses available. They encouraged me to book fast because they only had a few left. I didn't want to miss out on the opportunity so I booked. After booking the issues started to happen and it was one thing after the next. They called me and said they had charged me the wrong amount and made me pay about $600 more than what they had originally charged me for and then the communication was AWFUL. 

That is when I started looking more into different bus companies and seeing if anyone else had anything available. I contacted you all at the Fur Bus. Allyson found me another bus for a good price, but it was already to late. I was stuck with shofur.com because of their contract or was going to have to pay out of my own pocket, which I almost did. Allyson was their for me through the thick and thin of it all. She told me my rights as a customer and helped calm my nerves and reassured me multiple times that it was all going to work out. On Friday shofur.com was suppose to send me my drivers information at 12 pm. I called at 12 and they then told me 2 pm, I called and 2 pm and they said 3 pm. Allyson also called shofur.com on my behalf to see if she could get any information out of them. Just like they were to me they were extremely rude to her. Finally at 3 pm on Friday I got my bus drives first name and phone number. I had to call shofur.com and to figure out what bus company she worked for and told me to tell another bus company to not call them because they were competitors. I have not been in contact with them since. 

On Saturday, Allyson texted me throughout the day to make sure everything was going smoothly for my group and I! I am so very thankful I had her for any questions or concerns I had. I will forever be grateful for her and will ALWAYS use her from now on for any transportation needs!!! I could tell just after a few minutes of talking with her that she loved and cared about her job and customers!! I will send anyone her way with great confidences that they will have an amazing and stress free experience!!      

Thank you so much, 

Ruth Wellborn

THANKS TO BIG TONY FROM THE BRITISH FILM CREW!

> Hi Tony,
>
> How are you doing (said in my best American accent!)..?
>
> Thank you so much for everything over the last week, you were amazing and it was truly lovely to have you as part of our family.
>
> I believe Kathy may have the photos of us so I have copied her in above to circulate.
>
> DO get in touch if you're ever in london so we can return the kind hospitality that you showed to us one day.  If you're on Facebook then feel free to add us as your friendly British family!!
>
> Big big Tony hugs to you xxx

5 things that always happen on a Bachelorette Party

Do you have to plan a bachelorette party? I feel for you.  There is nothing, I repeat nothing, as bananas as a gaggle of women on a bachelorette party.  Here at the Fur Bus, we have been hauling bachelorette parties around for 15 years. And guess what? They are nuts.  

Here are 5 things that always happen on a Bachelorette party with the Fur Bus. We have buses that hold 15 - 30 girls and that, my friend, is a zoo.  

1) One, if not more, of the girls ALWAYS cries.  I have never seen a bachelorette party where someone didn't cry at some point during the night.   

2) One of the women always sits near the Fur Bus driver THE WHOLE TIME and not with the rest of the group. I have no idea why this bizarre habit happens, but it does. 

3) There is always at least one fight amongst the girls at some point during the night.  It is inevitable.  Generally because girl 1 was looking the the same dude that girl 2 was looking at and girl 2 got to him first.  

4) Terrible dancing. Once on the Fur Bus we get to witness the worst dancers on earth.  Sure, some of them are good but that leaves the rest to be pretty atrocious.  Like us.  

5) One person always loses a phone, purse, jacket, cooler, lipstick, wig, camera, dignity or the bus completely.  Always happens.  

If you have a bachelorette party coming up, take heed.  

Trey 

The Fur Bus 

Tuesday is for Lovers

Tuesday is for lovers.  Actually, most days are for lovers.  I would say the best day for lovers is either Sunday, which is a fantastic day of rest and relaxation, or possibly Saturday when folks hit the town looking for soul mates.  I am sure we (the Fur Bus) are responsible for a half billion marriages and love connections.  The real question is does love really work? DOES IT WORK?  And if so, how?  

Trey

Single for life.....